How Can YOU Wake Up Feeling Like P Diddy?

Before Ke$ha emerged on the music scene I had never, in my life, imagined that I could wake up feeling like a large black man. But with the reassurance that her song "Tik Tok" has given me, I now know that even that dream is achievable. I've taken the liberty of providing you with Ke$ha's foolproof "Wake-Up-In-The-Morning-Feeling-Like-P-Diddy" formula

1 Bottle of Jack and a toothbrush
French Pedicure and makeovers totally!
Relatively tipsy white girl cliché
Boys blowing up your "phones"
No cares + Plenty of Beer
Mick Jaggerish looking friends
Grabby boys
Ample white girl misuse of "errbody"


And vóila! Instantly any strange trashy blonde from LA can feel like a multi millionaire black man!


"I wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy" Honestly?

Whenever I hear the opening line from Tik Tok (which is more often than anyone should hear any one song ever) I feel compelled to ask whoever I'm with if they have any idea what the hell that even means? Is there some "Ke$ha Lingo 101" that I missed out on? Does it make sense to anyone the first time they listen to it? As a 23 year old "singer" with a cheap wardrobe and bad makeup, if you wake up "feeling like P Diddy" I advise you to seek psychiatric help. While the beat in Tik Tok is undeniably catchy, the sound that is Ke$ha's voice grates against my ears like Captain Crunch on the roof of my mouth. You think you love it, you think that it's "worth it," but after a while that feeling is going to drive you insane. Slowly but surely. This is not an opinion but pure and simple fact.


The second issue that I absolutely have to address is the "$" I mean $eriou$ly? I can't even impre$$ upon everyone how pi$$ed I get when people do thi$. Last time I checked "Ke$ha" you are not above the alphabet. Those letters are there for a good reason and I think there are a lot of people that would appreciate you leaving that poor dollar sign alone. Dare you try and argue with me that Ke$ha is "money?" I would argue back that she is "tra$h" but unfortunately there's not a font that makes that little trash can delete button thing yet but I'm keeping my fingers crossed for one eventually.


With gems like "Party at a Rich Dude's House" and "Booty Call" it's no wonder that Ke$ha is every teenage girl's new idol. Dirty, blonde, overtly sexual, and have I mentioned covered in glitter? Ke$ha looks like she bathes in glitter every hour on the hour. Don't get me wrong I'm all about glitter in the right amounts and appropriate places but when we have to search for your actual body parts under all of the glitter, you might have a problem. There isn't a doubt in my mind that this storm of fishnets, hair product, and smeared eyeliner, that is Ke$ha, will soon pass. But hopefully not before a few more horrendously entertaining live performances.


Anyone watching Saturday Night Live on April 18th was treated to two of the most contrived performances in SNL history. I think a large part of being a great musician is
to be able to record well and perform great as well. While Ke$ha's recording may be fine, her performance is in desperate need of genuine talent. You could tell from her glances askew to the side cameras and the repeated movements (not dance moves, just movements) that absolutely everything was planned, and poorly at that. As upbeat and "feelgood" as her songs are, you would think that she might just have a good time on stage but no, instead she opts for a ridiculously stupid looking patriotic space suit and an eye-catching yet overdone body suit with neon paint. My feeling is that she's using these outfits and "light" shows to distract from her inability to perform live and needless to say she failed miserably.


Tik Tok Performance: http://www.hulu.com/watch/143257/saturday-night-live-keha-tik-tok#s-p7-sr-i1
Your Love Is My Drug: http://www.hulu.com/watch/143266/saturday-night-live-keha-your-love-is-my-drug#s-p6-sr-i1

In closing, all I have to say is be wary. I know we're all about creativity and the "individual" but don't buy into Ke$ha's act for one second. This is another girl with a semi-decent voice who's using "weirdness" to get attention. Don't believe me?



So maybe Ke$ha should listen to her own song and "zip her lips like a padlock." But hey that's just my opinion.

-@ndrea
^
Yes I did just do that

Film Preview for May 2010

Seeing how my new job at the movie theater has put me in a great position to see tons of movies (for free might I add!) I've decided to dedicate today's blog to some of the upcoming movies being released in May. As far as movies go, my taste is pretty broad so this shouldn't be too biased...ha.

Iron Man 2

Not even going beyond the title, I have to say that I find myself skeptical about any movie with a "2" or "3" at the end. Did they fire their writers before they could think of a better title? I'm not saying that a sequel can't be good, it's just that that little "2" or "3" at the end puts my brain into Land Before Time mode if you know what I mean. The movie itself looks just as flashy as the first but with none of the charm. The Middle Eastern connection in the first Iron Man was absolutely genius. It made this current globally political hotspot somewhat mentally accessible to the uninformed or previously uninterested. (Granted, I know that the Middle East isn't just a series of underground caves where guerilla operations make dirty deals with Jeff Bridges but you get the idea) Iron Man 2 looks like explosions for explosions' sake, and while that's not always a bad thing, I'm not about to sit through 125 minutes of that.

Although Robert Downey Jr. carried me through most of Sherlock Holmes, I don't see that happening here. Jeff Bridges' villainous buddy slot will be hard to fill as well and while Mickey Rourke really does look badass, it's just not cutting it for me. Iron Man 2 premieres tonight and we'll just have to see if it's the plot that keeps me awake... or just the explosions.

Babies

It might just be the inner girl in me but this movies looks absolutely ADORABLE! Since this is more of a documentary style film, I'm not sure what it'll have by way of a plot but after watching that trailer it looks like we're guaranteed at least 3 things:

1. Baby/Goat interaction -- Sounds so weird but looks so cute

2. Baby fights -- So precious that it really doesn't matter that they're hitting each other

3. Babies -- I'm pretty sure this one is a safe bet

Obviously this isn't for everyone, guys especially, but it would be a pretty sweet girls' night out. I've already started practicing my "Awwwww"'

MacGruber

All I can say is that I'm apprehensive. The MacGruber skits on Saturday Night Live have been hit or miss for me in the past few years but I do have faith in Will Forte's comedic prowess. He's the typical everyman. He could be your crazy next door neighbor or your funny uncle that tells inappropriate jokes at family gatherings. Regardless of the situation Will Forte is a very likable guy. One of my biggest concerns about this movie though is the degree of cluelessness that will have to be present to make it truly "MacGruber." Which leads to the next most logical question, is this movie actually going to be about anything?

With Jorma Taccone (Saturday Night Live writer, 1/3 of the Lonely Island comedy group) as the director, there's a good possibility that this movie could actually be fantastic. We'll all have to wait and see if MacGruber will make it out alive or be wishing instead that we hadn't.

Sex and the City 2

While some of the fashion is to die for, all I can say is no. No no no no no no.

Now I know that there are some people who I would never be able to persuade to not see this movie but for those of you currently on the fence. Just don't. I'll summarize it for you to save you the trouble!

"Blah blah blah bored with my fancy rich life blah blah vacation! Blah blah hot flash in the desert (laugh laugh laugh) Blah blah alcohol blah blah bad decisions. Blah should I cheat on my charmingly rich kind of husband? Blah blah blah. Blah big dresses blah blah more camels. Blah. The End."

You're welcome

Other movies to watch for that I'm too lazy to review:

Robin Hood- Russell Crowe, Cate Blanchett and Ridley Scott. I'm in line for this one already.

Letters to Juliet- This looks charming enough to be popular. Only hope is that it's not too sickly-sweet. Great Italian landscape to look at though if the plot stinks!

Shrek Forever After- Mike Myers really must've needed the money. Meh. I was over this two Shreks ago.

Any predictions, reactions, opinions?

Maybe There's a Reason for the "Gag" in Lady Gaga

One would think that neck braces, ample amounts of blood and a wheelchair might set the scene for a horrifying accident. In reality this gruesome scene was the set of Lady Gaga’s 2009 VMA performance. As far as I’m concerned, the tragic accident setting still works for me -- but maybe it should just be called a tragedy since it was technically “planned.” In the past two years America has been repeatedly smacked in the face by Lady Gaga’s awkward and unpredictable antics and maybe even more importantly by her garish and ludicrous choice of clothing. While Lady Gaga’s outfits and behavior have continued to shock and surprise the public, if you boil her down to the basics she’s nothing more than a corporately-manufactured freak show. Lady Gaga is the epitome of everything wrong with American society today.

With the explosive success of her first major record “The Fame,” it seems that Lady Gaga has permeated every aspect of life. Exaggeration, you might ask? Sadly, no. I’ve born witness on numerous occasions where one of her new looks was the talk of the office for months. Instead of enjoying a romantic night out I sat through an evening of my date’s musings about Gaga. Is she really a man? Do you think she’s clinically insane? While he may not have been praising her “genius,” it still remains that my time was wasted talking about her. It’s gotten to the point that one has to ask; did life exist before Gaga? Did we ever really have entertainment without constant controversy and pools of fake blood? Somewhere in my memories I can see flashes of a brighter, tasteful Gaga-less music industry but given the media frenzy over her bullshit I’m sure those memories are hardly worth remembering. Obviously music did not even exist pre-Gaga.

I admit that after hearing her infectious breakthrough single “Just Dance” I couldn’t help but dance. Her beats were innovative and the lyrics, though simple and shallow, were catchy enough. The single held all those ga-ga for Gaga until she released her next single “Pokerface.” Pokerface was another catchy beat with simple lyrics accompanied by a music video featuring a relatively pretty but undeniably scantly-clad Gaga. In my mind this was undoubtedly the beginning of another oversexed Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera-type, not something the average person can fight. That kind of entertainer has always been around and will always continue to be as long as spandex costumes and sequins are readily available. While Lady Gaga may have begun as just another sexy cliché, the evolution of her public persona took an unexpected turn.

As her music became more and more famous she began to draw more media attention. With the multitude of images released to the public, Lady Gaga slowly but surely began her transformation from entertainer to side-show attraction. With each week her outfits became more attention-grabbing and outlandish. While many were intrigued by her choice of wardrobe, setting her own clothing on fire would have had the same desperate “look at me, look at me!” effect. (And it probably would’ve cost her a lot less too) With her newfound love of tacky garments she debuted some equally tacky antics. During a live performance she was recorded playing the slowed-down version of “Pokerface” on the piano. While it’s unclear as to what she was on, it was clear that she was on something. At one point during this sloppy performance she heaved her stilleto clad foot onto the piano and started stomping away on the keys. Call me crazy -- this is not something that normal people do. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about innovation and eccentricity but her outfits are not emphasizing individualism. They’re about shock value. If everyone was to try and emulate Lady Gaga’s freakish lifestyle by doing everything to shock everyone else there wouldn’t be much meaning to anything.

Her performances are, not surprisingly, just as weird as everything else she does. The performance at the 2009 VMA’s that I briefly described in the opening was no exception to her perverted rule of “cool” and “edgy.” The opening began with her and her background dancers clad in head-to-toe white spandex outfits bedazzled in a multitude of rhinestones and thongs as headpieces. Yes, I said thongs as headpieces. Gaga is brought out in a wheelchair and then transferred to glittery polio crutches. Since when has it been “cool” or “edgy” to mimic the handicapped? Should I invest in a bejeweled golden wheelchair just because Gaga says so? I think not. She continued the performance with awkwardly sexual dance routines in which she was mobbed by her equally freakish dancers. The grand finale of the performance consisted of her fake-bleeding from her chest to ultimately be hung up on a hook and hoisted above the stage. Dangling lifelessly and fake-bleeding for all to see. I sat stunned, watching this grotesque spectacle. I couldn’t believe that this was what entertainment had come to. The worst part is that the public ate it up and even asked for seconds.

In this single performance I could see so much of what is wrong with our society. Why is it that something has to be this gruesome to entertain us? Why isn’t talent enough anymore? The fact of the matter is that we as a society are so desensitized to the world around us that we constantly need bigger and crazier spectacles to satisfy us. Entertainment is no longer about quality, but rather the quantity of crap “more exciting” or “more unique,” as much as can be crammed into a single show. Lady Gaga is all of this AND more. The way she parades around in her ridiculous outfits for attention and her staging of a public “martyrdom” for her art are just shock-tactics As a musician Lady Gaga is devaluing her work by whoring herself out to the public and cheapening herself in the process. Beneath all of the neon makeup, knotted hair and nonsensical outfits that some may be laughing at, Lady Gaga is laughing right back at us resting comfortably atop a cash pile worth millions that probably you and sadly I have contributed to at some point in time. Shame on us.

Welcome to the World of Me

I'm Andrea, a 20 year old college student, fashion designer that can't sew, artist that can't paint, and photographer without a crazy expensive camera.

Why am I blogging? Well besides the fact that I find myself with the appropriate amount of free time that any college student should have, a few friends have suggested that I try blogging. Warning: If you're not a fan of sarcasm then this is most likely not the blog for you since it will be used in generous quantities.

What to expect? You can expect my opinion on various burning topics that have been rolling around in my brain for a week or two, also there could be the random surprise fashion blog or a music review. Exciting I know!

If you don't like what I have to say? I'll be respectful of everyone's opinions so please be respectful of mine. Derogatory comments are for babies, if you want to have a mature discussion I'm totally open for it otherwise please don't waste my time or yours.

If you have suggestions for blog topics feel free to post them. I love a challenge.

I sincerely hope you enjoy what I have to say and will do my best to entertain you

Andrea