How Can YOU Wake Up Feeling Like P Diddy?

Before Ke$ha emerged on the music scene I had never, in my life, imagined that I could wake up feeling like a large black man. But with the reassurance that her song "Tik Tok" has given me, I now know that even that dream is achievable. I've taken the liberty of providing you with Ke$ha's foolproof "Wake-Up-In-The-Morning-Feeling-Like-P-Diddy" formula

1 Bottle of Jack and a toothbrush
French Pedicure and makeovers totally!
Relatively tipsy white girl cliché
Boys blowing up your "phones"
No cares + Plenty of Beer
Mick Jaggerish looking friends
Grabby boys
Ample white girl misuse of "errbody"


And vóila! Instantly any strange trashy blonde from LA can feel like a multi millionaire black man!


"I wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy" Honestly?

Whenever I hear the opening line from Tik Tok (which is more often than anyone should hear any one song ever) I feel compelled to ask whoever I'm with if they have any idea what the hell that even means? Is there some "Ke$ha Lingo 101" that I missed out on? Does it make sense to anyone the first time they listen to it? As a 23 year old "singer" with a cheap wardrobe and bad makeup, if you wake up "feeling like P Diddy" I advise you to seek psychiatric help. While the beat in Tik Tok is undeniably catchy, the sound that is Ke$ha's voice grates against my ears like Captain Crunch on the roof of my mouth. You think you love it, you think that it's "worth it," but after a while that feeling is going to drive you insane. Slowly but surely. This is not an opinion but pure and simple fact.


The second issue that I absolutely have to address is the "$" I mean $eriou$ly? I can't even impre$$ upon everyone how pi$$ed I get when people do thi$. Last time I checked "Ke$ha" you are not above the alphabet. Those letters are there for a good reason and I think there are a lot of people that would appreciate you leaving that poor dollar sign alone. Dare you try and argue with me that Ke$ha is "money?" I would argue back that she is "tra$h" but unfortunately there's not a font that makes that little trash can delete button thing yet but I'm keeping my fingers crossed for one eventually.


With gems like "Party at a Rich Dude's House" and "Booty Call" it's no wonder that Ke$ha is every teenage girl's new idol. Dirty, blonde, overtly sexual, and have I mentioned covered in glitter? Ke$ha looks like she bathes in glitter every hour on the hour. Don't get me wrong I'm all about glitter in the right amounts and appropriate places but when we have to search for your actual body parts under all of the glitter, you might have a problem. There isn't a doubt in my mind that this storm of fishnets, hair product, and smeared eyeliner, that is Ke$ha, will soon pass. But hopefully not before a few more horrendously entertaining live performances.


Anyone watching Saturday Night Live on April 18th was treated to two of the most contrived performances in SNL history. I think a large part of being a great musician is
to be able to record well and perform great as well. While Ke$ha's recording may be fine, her performance is in desperate need of genuine talent. You could tell from her glances askew to the side cameras and the repeated movements (not dance moves, just movements) that absolutely everything was planned, and poorly at that. As upbeat and "feelgood" as her songs are, you would think that she might just have a good time on stage but no, instead she opts for a ridiculously stupid looking patriotic space suit and an eye-catching yet overdone body suit with neon paint. My feeling is that she's using these outfits and "light" shows to distract from her inability to perform live and needless to say she failed miserably.


Tik Tok Performance: http://www.hulu.com/watch/143257/saturday-night-live-keha-tik-tok#s-p7-sr-i1
Your Love Is My Drug: http://www.hulu.com/watch/143266/saturday-night-live-keha-your-love-is-my-drug#s-p6-sr-i1

In closing, all I have to say is be wary. I know we're all about creativity and the "individual" but don't buy into Ke$ha's act for one second. This is another girl with a semi-decent voice who's using "weirdness" to get attention. Don't believe me?



So maybe Ke$ha should listen to her own song and "zip her lips like a padlock." But hey that's just my opinion.

-@ndrea
^
Yes I did just do that

Film Preview for May 2010

Seeing how my new job at the movie theater has put me in a great position to see tons of movies (for free might I add!) I've decided to dedicate today's blog to some of the upcoming movies being released in May. As far as movies go, my taste is pretty broad so this shouldn't be too biased...ha.

Iron Man 2

Not even going beyond the title, I have to say that I find myself skeptical about any movie with a "2" or "3" at the end. Did they fire their writers before they could think of a better title? I'm not saying that a sequel can't be good, it's just that that little "2" or "3" at the end puts my brain into Land Before Time mode if you know what I mean. The movie itself looks just as flashy as the first but with none of the charm. The Middle Eastern connection in the first Iron Man was absolutely genius. It made this current globally political hotspot somewhat mentally accessible to the uninformed or previously uninterested. (Granted, I know that the Middle East isn't just a series of underground caves where guerilla operations make dirty deals with Jeff Bridges but you get the idea) Iron Man 2 looks like explosions for explosions' sake, and while that's not always a bad thing, I'm not about to sit through 125 minutes of that.

Although Robert Downey Jr. carried me through most of Sherlock Holmes, I don't see that happening here. Jeff Bridges' villainous buddy slot will be hard to fill as well and while Mickey Rourke really does look badass, it's just not cutting it for me. Iron Man 2 premieres tonight and we'll just have to see if it's the plot that keeps me awake... or just the explosions.

Babies

It might just be the inner girl in me but this movies looks absolutely ADORABLE! Since this is more of a documentary style film, I'm not sure what it'll have by way of a plot but after watching that trailer it looks like we're guaranteed at least 3 things:

1. Baby/Goat interaction -- Sounds so weird but looks so cute

2. Baby fights -- So precious that it really doesn't matter that they're hitting each other

3. Babies -- I'm pretty sure this one is a safe bet

Obviously this isn't for everyone, guys especially, but it would be a pretty sweet girls' night out. I've already started practicing my "Awwwww"'

MacGruber

All I can say is that I'm apprehensive. The MacGruber skits on Saturday Night Live have been hit or miss for me in the past few years but I do have faith in Will Forte's comedic prowess. He's the typical everyman. He could be your crazy next door neighbor or your funny uncle that tells inappropriate jokes at family gatherings. Regardless of the situation Will Forte is a very likable guy. One of my biggest concerns about this movie though is the degree of cluelessness that will have to be present to make it truly "MacGruber." Which leads to the next most logical question, is this movie actually going to be about anything?

With Jorma Taccone (Saturday Night Live writer, 1/3 of the Lonely Island comedy group) as the director, there's a good possibility that this movie could actually be fantastic. We'll all have to wait and see if MacGruber will make it out alive or be wishing instead that we hadn't.

Sex and the City 2

While some of the fashion is to die for, all I can say is no. No no no no no no.

Now I know that there are some people who I would never be able to persuade to not see this movie but for those of you currently on the fence. Just don't. I'll summarize it for you to save you the trouble!

"Blah blah blah bored with my fancy rich life blah blah vacation! Blah blah hot flash in the desert (laugh laugh laugh) Blah blah alcohol blah blah bad decisions. Blah should I cheat on my charmingly rich kind of husband? Blah blah blah. Blah big dresses blah blah more camels. Blah. The End."

You're welcome

Other movies to watch for that I'm too lazy to review:

Robin Hood- Russell Crowe, Cate Blanchett and Ridley Scott. I'm in line for this one already.

Letters to Juliet- This looks charming enough to be popular. Only hope is that it's not too sickly-sweet. Great Italian landscape to look at though if the plot stinks!

Shrek Forever After- Mike Myers really must've needed the money. Meh. I was over this two Shreks ago.

Any predictions, reactions, opinions?