How Can YOU Wake Up Feeling Like P Diddy?

Before Ke$ha emerged on the music scene I had never, in my life, imagined that I could wake up feeling like a large black man. But with the reassurance that her song "Tik Tok" has given me, I now know that even that dream is achievable. I've taken the liberty of providing you with Ke$ha's foolproof "Wake-Up-In-The-Morning-Feeling-Like-P-Diddy" formula

1 Bottle of Jack and a toothbrush
French Pedicure and makeovers totally!
Relatively tipsy white girl cliché
Boys blowing up your "phones"
No cares + Plenty of Beer
Mick Jaggerish looking friends
Grabby boys
Ample white girl misuse of "errbody"


And vóila! Instantly any strange trashy blonde from LA can feel like a multi millionaire black man!


"I wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy" Honestly?

Whenever I hear the opening line from Tik Tok (which is more often than anyone should hear any one song ever) I feel compelled to ask whoever I'm with if they have any idea what the hell that even means? Is there some "Ke$ha Lingo 101" that I missed out on? Does it make sense to anyone the first time they listen to it? As a 23 year old "singer" with a cheap wardrobe and bad makeup, if you wake up "feeling like P Diddy" I advise you to seek psychiatric help. While the beat in Tik Tok is undeniably catchy, the sound that is Ke$ha's voice grates against my ears like Captain Crunch on the roof of my mouth. You think you love it, you think that it's "worth it," but after a while that feeling is going to drive you insane. Slowly but surely. This is not an opinion but pure and simple fact.


The second issue that I absolutely have to address is the "$" I mean $eriou$ly? I can't even impre$$ upon everyone how pi$$ed I get when people do thi$. Last time I checked "Ke$ha" you are not above the alphabet. Those letters are there for a good reason and I think there are a lot of people that would appreciate you leaving that poor dollar sign alone. Dare you try and argue with me that Ke$ha is "money?" I would argue back that she is "tra$h" but unfortunately there's not a font that makes that little trash can delete button thing yet but I'm keeping my fingers crossed for one eventually.


With gems like "Party at a Rich Dude's House" and "Booty Call" it's no wonder that Ke$ha is every teenage girl's new idol. Dirty, blonde, overtly sexual, and have I mentioned covered in glitter? Ke$ha looks like she bathes in glitter every hour on the hour. Don't get me wrong I'm all about glitter in the right amounts and appropriate places but when we have to search for your actual body parts under all of the glitter, you might have a problem. There isn't a doubt in my mind that this storm of fishnets, hair product, and smeared eyeliner, that is Ke$ha, will soon pass. But hopefully not before a few more horrendously entertaining live performances.


Anyone watching Saturday Night Live on April 18th was treated to two of the most contrived performances in SNL history. I think a large part of being a great musician is
to be able to record well and perform great as well. While Ke$ha's recording may be fine, her performance is in desperate need of genuine talent. You could tell from her glances askew to the side cameras and the repeated movements (not dance moves, just movements) that absolutely everything was planned, and poorly at that. As upbeat and "feelgood" as her songs are, you would think that she might just have a good time on stage but no, instead she opts for a ridiculously stupid looking patriotic space suit and an eye-catching yet overdone body suit with neon paint. My feeling is that she's using these outfits and "light" shows to distract from her inability to perform live and needless to say she failed miserably.


Tik Tok Performance: http://www.hulu.com/watch/143257/saturday-night-live-keha-tik-tok#s-p7-sr-i1
Your Love Is My Drug: http://www.hulu.com/watch/143266/saturday-night-live-keha-your-love-is-my-drug#s-p6-sr-i1

In closing, all I have to say is be wary. I know we're all about creativity and the "individual" but don't buy into Ke$ha's act for one second. This is another girl with a semi-decent voice who's using "weirdness" to get attention. Don't believe me?



So maybe Ke$ha should listen to her own song and "zip her lips like a padlock." But hey that's just my opinion.

-@ndrea
^
Yes I did just do that